Declaro encerrado meu feriado prolongado! (embora falte ainda um dia para isso) Quero com isso esquecer esses dias, mas lembrar das lições aprendidas.
Então é hora de fazer um balanço desse dias que passaram. Passei esses dias sozinho em casa (meu pessoal viajou e eu fiquei). Por conta disso queria aproveitar essa "liberdade". Criei altas expectativas em torno de um encontro com um certo alguém, afinal tinha as condições que tanto queria para ter esse encontro - estar junto de alguém que gosto muito e que me provoca fantasias sem ter que me preocupar com o relógio. Dificilmente teria essa "liberdade" novamente. Acertamos vários detalhes para fazer desse encontro, "O" encontro. Saí de casa para encontrá-lo animado e cantarolante. No caminho ele me liga, dizendo que não poderia ir. A princípio pensei que era brincadeira. Mas não era. Algo havia acontecido e ele não poderia ir. Entendi que não era culpa dele, mas surtei diante do fato de não mais haver encontro. Eram altas as minhas expectativas. Nesse caso se aplica a regra: "altas expectativas" + "acaso atrapalhando" = "fundo do poço". Foi horrível o que senti. Raiva, frustração, auto comiseração, medo, indignação, remorso. E se era para ir para o fundo do poço, então vamos para o fundo rolar na lama. Chegando em casa fui assistir o filme Brokeback Mountaim, que queria assistir fazia tempo, mas não tinha a oportunidade. Bom, já viu como fiquei né? Isso foi no sábado. No dia seguinte, domingo, foi um dia de ressaca moral pela noite anterior, a que era para ter sido mas não foi. Um dia de reflexão. Mas havia a possibilidade do encontro se realizar na segunda-feira. Esperança à vista! Outra expectativa frustrada. Ele não pôde. Fim de um sonho. Espero ter outros logo, mas com a lição aprendida. Impossível sair ileso de tudo isso. Mas é caindo que se aprende a andar, um pouco machucado é bem verdade. As cicatrizes servirão de lembraça para não se repetir os mesmos erros.
Então, que comece Maio!
"Amanhã, apesar de hoje
Será a estrada que surge
Pra se trilhar
Amanhã, mesmo que uns não queiram
Será de outros que esperam
Ver o dia raiar
Amanhã, ódios aplacados
Temores abrandados
Será pleno, será pleno"
("Amanhã" de Guilherme Arantes)
32 comentários:
Boa semana :-)
Quanto maior a expectativa, maior a decepção. É um lugar-comum, eu sei, mas não faz mal nenhum termos isso presente sempre que a emoção tende a sobrepor-se à razão. Um grande abraço e boa semana.
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